I should stop broadcasting now. It's never the best day anyways. But... i think i should be happy.
It's becoming a constant on and off thing, some days I'm very aware of it and other days I can just ignore it because i can preoccupy myself with mindless menial labor. Sometimes I wonder if it's ever going to go away.
Sometimes I think I don't allow myself into seemingly panacea-esque things, like love, religion, God, because i want to leave some hope for myself. It's kinda ironic, like I'm pushing away possible cures because i'm afraid they can't cure me, and I would actually have to face that i'm beyond saving.
How can a lose-lose situation seem so good?